It was the summer before I went into High School and I had gone from a member of the Itty Bitty Titty Committee to the Founder and President of the Big Boobs Break Backs Bureau. I would do just about anything to have people stop looking at my chest. Most of my days were spent with my arms crossed in front of it. Which, upon reflection, probably made it more noticeable. I was at my friend Lisa’s house and several older guys were hanging out with her brother, sitting on some lawn chairs and chatting. One of them was Troy, a pretty popular and cute high schooler from the neighborhood. After Lisa and I were done chatting, she went inside and I walked away. That’s when Troy said it. “Damn, you have a nice ass, Carla.” And my obsession was born. To get guys to not look at my boobs, I had to get them to look at my butt.
I took this task on with much gusto. Daisy dukes and mini skirts where my norm. Luckily it was the 80s. I stood up for the butt in school. When the principal called me into his office telling me I had to go home because my skirt was too short, I told him I understood. I then proceeded to tell him how I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to wear my cheerleading uniform to school the next day in support of the big game since it didn’t meet the school requirements. And I know how disappointed the other girls are going to be but, ya know, those are the rules. I was sent back to class and my cheek baring fashion was never questioned again.
However, teens turn to twenties, three pregnancies gave my body a little wear and tear, and from my thirties on most of my time has been spent sitting at a desk. Something must be done to save the butt! Here are my five favorite exercises to give you a nice rear view.
Stand with your feet hip-width apart, hands on your hips. Take a big step back with your left leg, crossing it behind your right. Bend your knees and lower your hips until your right thigh is nearly parallel to the floor. Keep your torso upright and your hips and shoulders as square as possible. Return to start. Perform 15 reps each side.
Side Plank with Leg Lift
Get into a side plank with your hand directly under your shoulder and your bottom leg slightly in front of your top leg, then slowly raise your top leg as high as you can. Lower to start. Do 15, then switch to the other side to complete one set.
Lie on your back with your knees bent, feet flat on the floor, palms down. Raise your hips until your body forms a straight line from shoulders to knees. Squeeze rear tight for two seconds up at the top, then return to start. Do 15 reps.
Start kneeling on the floor, on all fours, with your hips lined over your knees and your hands directly under your shoulders (arms extended). Place one dumbbell behind your right knee, and curl your right heel into your body, squeezing into the dumbbell to hold it in place. Flex your foot, and keeping your back flat, lift your right knee up behind your hip until your thigh is parallel to the floor. Slowly lower your knee almost all the way down to the floor, and then repeat. Do 15 reps on each side.
Stand tall with your feet shoulder-width apart, arms in front, hands clasped together. Keeping your chest up, lower your body as far as you can by pushing your hips back and bending your knees. Pause, then slowly push yourself back to the starting position. Complete 15 reps.
My goal is to keep going until I get the rear of a 20 year old. Then I won’t need wrinkle cream.
What is your favorite exercise to shape the rear? Do you have a butt story?